First, there were three.
We join our heroes on the doorstep of a strange new land, hereafter known as Washington DC. This place is but one of many worlds spiralling around the immense Capitol building like so many particles of [something really disgusting] being sucked down the drain.
Our heroes are puzzled, awed by the magnific size of what lay before them.
Eomer peered over the landscape. "We're....."
"MIDGETS??" Faramir finished.
"I'm still taller than both of you," Haldir pointed out smugly.
"Shut up," chimed the rider and ranger together.
As they surveyed their surroundings, something caught their collective eye.
"Hey... doesn't that guy look familiar?" Eomer asked, eyeing the peculiar parchment which was leaning conveniently against a pot of portulaca.
"Gasp!" said Haldir.
"Gasp!" repeated Faramir, not to be outdone by his Elven companion.
But the three of them were at a loss to determine exactly who the "Manilow" might be.
"We must solve this mystery," said Eomer commandingly. "I feel it is our destiny in this new world to be presented with such a task."
Haldir rolled his eyes. "Rot."
"Do you have anything better to do?" Faramir pointed out quietly.
Haldir had to admit that he did not.
They sallied forth, with no notion of exactly where they were headed, or exactly why besides the fact that it was a damn lot better than sitting around here watching the monster-sized yellowjackets sup on the basil blooms. But barely had they taken the first step when...
Producer's Note: Legolas takes better back shots because he doesn't have a huge pin in his back.
"It's a chick on a moose!" exclaimed Faramir.
"Faramir, that is a woman, not a chick," Haldir explained gently. "Chicks have feathers."
The Elf recieved two very well-intentioned slaps upside the head for his remark. Eomer was the first to break out of the Three Stooges routine.
"My lady," he impored, stepping forward. "Pray, tell us why we have come here, and what is your purpose in visiting us!"
The girl looked down at them and quirked a brow. "I don't know what you three are doing here, but I was just out for a ride. Weirdos." She turned as if to leave them.
"Wait!" cried Faramir. "Please, tell us if you know the way to..." he licked his lips, trying to remember the words on the parchment. "...the MCI Center?"
The woman turned back at them. "Well it sure as hell isn't that way," she said, then gave her moose a smack on the rump and rode off into the sweet potato vines.
"Shit," commented Haldir.
"Watch your language, there might be other women around," Faramir scolded.
"Or moose," Eomer added, watching the beast as it ran off. "That was an impressive animal she rode." He looked aside and noticed the expressions on his comapnions' faces. "What?"
Faramir stepped up to him. "Eomer, are you SURE this is the right way?"
Eomer looked taken aback. "The right way? THE RIGHT WAY?? Is there truly ANY right way?" He clambered up to the top step again.
"Oh boy," Haldir sighed. "Another soliloquy."
"Remember what Gandalf told us," Eomer proclaimed, warming to his subject. "It was foretold that we should face terrors unknown, dangers unforeseen, horrors no man has ever dreamed of! But we will prevail! We will fight for honor! For truth! For... um..." He trailed off.
"I'd be happy with a cup of tea," Faramir offered helpfully.
"FOR TEA!" Eomer concluded. There was a pattering of rapturous applause from the honeybees.
"Tea sounds good," Haldir agreed when the bugs had gone back to their business. "I thought I smelled some herbs in that direction."
Faramir nodded in agreement. "There certainly is a profusion of edibles residing in this land."
"Which way?" Eomer asked his swift-nosed companions. The two of them simultaneously pointed in opposite directions. Eomer nodded and set off directly down the middle of where the two had pointed. They shrugged and followed.
It wasn't long before trouble found them.
"What is this evil??" Eomer demanded, keeping clear of the creeping groundcover.
"Leaves! HORRIBLE leaves!" Haldir said, punctuating his words by hacking away at them.
"I didn't think they would be dangerous!" Faramir moaned from somewhere in their depths. "They seemed so friendly!"
"Faramir!" Haldir scolded. "When a leaf rubs up against you and purrs, don't you think there's something WRONG with that??"
Faramir had no reply.
Their first lesson was learned swiftly. Be wary of purring leaves.
Deciding the first path had not been the right one, they changed directions and, after crossing a barren and desolate rocky wasteland, they arrived at the foot of a mountain.
"This must be it," Eomer told his exhausted companions.
"Why?" snarked Haldir.
"Well... it's a mountain." Eomer shrugged. "It worked for Sam and Frodo."
Faramir and Haldir exchanged glances. Eomer crossed his arms. "Well I'm going up. If you two want to sit here and stare at the cement, that's fine by me." With a low "harumph!" he set off climbing. Faramir and Haldir watched him for a short while.
"Think we'd better go after him?" Faramir asked.
"I suppose," said Haldir grudgingly. "Though it would serve him right to get all the way up there and realize it's only a woodpile."
"I think we should go with him," Faramir said. "It's only right."
Haldir nodded, and the two began to climb. They didn't get far before they began to feel...
"Rain," said Haldir crossly.
"So it would seem," agreed Faramir.
They would have commented further on the subject, but they were interrupted by an intensifying scream...
Eomer crashed into them, and the three landed in a heap on the ground.
"WOO HOOOOOOOO!!!!" Eomer laughed. "You two should try that! It's... it's like... it's a water slide!!!!!!"
Haldir hid his face in his hands.
"We should find somewhere to shelter from the storm," Faramir urged.
"Yes, and so we shall," agreed Eomer. "This way..."
TO BE CONTINUED when it stops raining. >.<
STAY TUNED to find out what dangers our heroes will face next!!!!